NVCR OFFICIAL PROFESSIONAL BLOG
5-4-22

Sometimes it rains in the desert. The plants, not used to the amount of nutrients they're being given, bloom wildly and all over the place, and the sky reminds the dry earth:I'm here. Despite everything, I still love you. I'll always love you. And all of your equipment that you keep outside because it doesn't actually USUALLY RAIN gets all WET, like really? i JUST cleared the colony of deadly microscopic venomous ants out of my printer and now it's all wet? Well, I digress, these plants are actually getting to be a bit of a problem here in town. I mean, it doesn't usually rain, so some of the larger plants are scaring our citizens a little- And usually we can deal witha little local terror, but the issue is that the plants are starting to get a little offended by the public display of fear, and have decided to start eating people and absorbing their consciousnesses.. Which kiiiinda sucks for local biodiversity reasons, you know? Well, all that I ask is if a plant decides to eat Carlos, that it keeps his beautiful, flawless, amazing...... intellect.

2-23-22

Good evening, dear readers. I hope I wasn't too sorrowfully missed, and that you were able to get your news reliably in some other form in the weeks that I was gone. Though, the internet aside from yours truly is untrustworthy and dangerous, and you can't get your news through paper due to the well known banning of writing, INCLUDING it's utensils. Now that I think about it readers, I may have been putting you all in Grave Danger by allowing myself to take leave for an extended period of time... Perhaps I should check my office phone's messages to see if anyone has reached out to me for help?
"I really like your website thank you for the horoscope reading now I'm motivated, have good day :)" -Greg Huffured, Nightvale Citizen
"your website is fuggin awesome. loving the creativity :D" -Evie, Nightvale Citizen
Well, thank you, readers! Glad to see that I've begun at amass a bit of a following again! I haven't been able to reach out to the rest of my audience in Nightvale since the recent banning of the electric radio, *Steam powered radios, Uranium powered radios, and Radios Powered By The Wrath Of An Imprisoned God™(TRADEMARK: Hasbro Enterprises) are all approved radios, however my broadcast cannot reach them. And I've been trying very hard to gain my loyal audience back. Speeaking of which, there seems to be one last message!
"Hello Cecil, thank you for replying to my last message. I'm not messaging for personal reasons, again, I just want you to warn the citizens of Nightvale that there is an "inclement weather warning" for the next few days, a meteorologist on my team told me to let you know that people should keep an eye on this.--Also, I like how put together your site is. It's pleasing to the eye, scientifically and aesthetically speaking." -Carlos (the Scientist), Nightvale Citizen
Another response from Carlos (the Scientist), Well, Carlos, it seems like we've started a bit of a correspondence, you and I! Haha, take it to the correspondence-oriented-backroom, am I riiight? By the way, I'm SO glad you think my site is pleasing to the eye. I'm working hard on attracting .. Nightvale Citizens! I'm so glad you recognized that, I guess you just have an eye for details, haha... Oh! and about that weather, it seems that it's come and gone, and only about half the town suffered fatal injury. I mean, really... We're all injured in a tragic weather accident eventually, might as well rip the bandaid off, right? Unholy Acidic-Sulfur-Poison-Bloodrain happens in all of our lives, we just kind of have to embrace those kinds of things like we always do. Tonight's weather report can be found here, in the Nightvale Weather News Portal

1-21-22

Hello readers, It's been a while. Taking personal time to yourself is always very important, especially when the service you have to broadcast completely unbiased news and completely impersonal life updates is abruptly cut off from you, leaving you, temporarily, inable to communicate with the outside world. In that time, I received a message! The message reads as following... "Hello Cecil, I'm not messaging for personal reasons. I have some concerns about the Fridge People? Recently some creatures have been showing up in Nightvale citizens' fridges and I was hoping that you could warn everyone about it before it gets out of hand. Please put out a warning and a call for more information regarding this. :( - Carlos (the Scientist)" Well, isn't this interesting, readers...? Such eloquent typing style, conveying emotion so easily with just two symbols, well, this concerned reader, Ahem, A Scientist, as I'm seeing now, must be preeetttyyy smart huh? Haha, Well, Haven't We All Been Scientists? At some point in our lives, at least. Good for this caring, concerned reader to stick to it like that. Really takes guts. To be a scientist. Also, there may be a vaguely fetal looking entity in your fridge, If you see one, there's no need to panic. Remember from the 'Fridge Person Procedure' that you learned last year, If it's smaller than your fist, remove all food items from your household for a minimum of three days. If it's BIGGER than your fist, cover every square foot of your house with gasoline, and light it on fire, chanting the ancient spell of damnation , which we all know from the Fridge Person Drills where a pipe bomb encased in a fake baby was placed in the back of everyone's fridges. Noooo big deal, haha... Must just be another day in science, right? Ha.... I mean, aren't we all in a little mortal danger sometimes? Just another Tuesday if you ask me.

1-5-22

Bored in the shower? Need something to occupy your mind with while you're getting yourself clean? Try battling the concept of your mortality! This fun life hack will be sure to make the boring old regular minutes youve spent in the shower become fun and introspective. ask yourself "If I go nowhere when I die, does my consciousness just go out? Are all the memories, understandings, and relationships I've made over my lifetime just going to go with it?" "Is the world really so unfair that I just have to sit back and wait for the inevitable?" "Am I really human? is this really my body? Is this really what I am?" and other questions of the like, as you sink to the shower floor, clutching your knees to your chest, watching the water run down the drain as you remind yourself that you are more than just an endless, bodiless, omnipotent spectator. Be reminded of the fragility and sensitivity of your human skin as you get goosebumps from the water running cold on your back. If your shower isn't done by then, try singing a little song to pass the time.

1-3-22

Last day of hibernation. Reckoning tomorrow. Stay tuned for a weight on your chest that will never quite sit right.